Give Energy to the Things that are Going Right

Do you have more than one child? Do your children have typical sibling arguments? How do you handle it?

Next time you notice a beautiful and peaceful lull between these arguments, be sure to make a point of noticing the absence of conflict. You might simply say," I appreciate that you are not calling your sister names, or bothering her right now." 

Give energy and honor to the positive things in your life. 

What are some positive things you have noticed your children doing lately?

Recognizing Our Own Greatness

What about a little nurturing of our own hearts?

Can you see qualities of greatness in yourself that you can recognize and honour?

Take a moment to name 3 of these amazing qualities, and in what way you express them. 

Help Your Children to See Their Own Greatness

Often in our busy lives,  we pay more attention to the difficult traits that arise in our children because we want to address it and nip it in the bud. 
 
However, when you notice a quality of greatness in your child, don't let the moment pass, be sure to articulate it to them with specific words and explain the context. 
 
In this way they can begin to really feel and see this greatness in themselves, and embody these qualities. 
 
You might comment on their positive attitude in a situation, their responsibility, flexibility, patience etc.  
 
What is something great you noticed about your child recently? How did they respond when you pointed it out to them?

Authentic Validation

Our children long for us to see them and be present for them. How we respond gives our child a feeling for whether we are really present, really listening, or only half there and more caught up in our other thoughts and concerns. 

We want to give our children positive feedback, we want them to feel confident, but our generation of parenting has taken "good job" to the next level. 

We have used it for everything; we have used it so much that it is on automatic pilot, just coming out of parents' mouths, even if it doesn't really fit the circumstance . 

Our children can feel empty words,  words that lack true connection. When we choose words that are more accurate for the circumstance, our children can feel more fully acknowledged. 

Next time you want to say "good job", take a moment and think about what exactly they are doing, and how your feedback could be more accurate. Maybe a more fitting response would be..."that's very creative", "you are very considerate", "you are very resourceful", "you are very responsible", tenacious, committed, a hard worker...

When was the last time you were authentically validated? How did it make you feel?

The Importance of Self-Love

Your child longs for your juicy and focused connection and attention. This secure love and attachment builds their foundation of trust and belonging, and sets them up for healthy relationships throughout their lives.

Homeschooling gives you an amazing opportunity to nurture this connection throughout the day, pacing the time you have together and the time everyone works or plays independently.

Make sure that you honour both ways of being. Everyone needs to enjoy their alone time, and learn healthy ways to self-soothe.

By giving yourself permission to take a break and do something for yourself each day, you can be fully present for your child(ren) when you are giving them connection.

​By caring for yourself, you are teaching your child(ren) the importance of self-love.

​What do you do to re-charge?

Having an Extra Bad Day!?!
 
Next time you feel flustered about something your child is doing (or not doing), recognize that giving energy to what is not working is really not the best route.

Take a deep breath, and if you need to walk away for a moment to get grounded, go ahead and do so.

When you return to the scene, find something positive that your child is doing that can be highlighted. Sometimes the scene is so negatively charged, that the best positive thing you can find is actually something like, "I see that you're not throwing your toys against the wall. This shows that you are getting better at managing your emotions." 

​When you are able to give authentic, positive feedback, it really does help your child to feel positive about themselves, and it guides them towards self-regulation.

Smile! Take a deep breath! You and your child are probably readjusting to school after a little holiday break!

Be patient and ease back into your routine. Choose one or two parts of your daily routine that are working well and allow yourself to feel amazing about it - because you really should.

​When you focus on what is fantastic and feel happy about the little victories, you invite more of that energy into your life!

The Nurtured Heart Approach is a relationship-focused methodology founded by Howard Glasser.  This approach meets the needs of the parent and child both individually and in relationship. It is comprehensive in its scope, recognizing each person's incredible greatness and individuality and specific and practical in its steps to build these feelings of inner wealth. 

​Watch for Nurtured Heart Tips weekly and visit our Parent Education page to learn more.